It’s been a little while here for me on the blog, and I guess that’s been for a number of reasons. It’s been pretty busy at work, meaning long days and late nights, and my days off have been pretty jam packed climbing, running and drinking far too much coffee. But, that’s not the only reason for my absence, and i’d be lying if I said it was. In all honesty I guess i’ve been a little fearful, scared of writing the wrong post, or admitting my true feelings.
Fear isn’t a stranger in my life. I’m pretty certain that I was born scared.
See every little thing has always worried me. When I was younger I feared other children, I was scared of going on playdates for fear something happened to my parents whilst I was gone. I was scared of swings, cars, strange people (okay that one was probably normal and necessary) and the way the doorbell would ring.
As I grew older my fears changed and grew with me. I fretted about being accepted, whether my friends liked me, if my grades were good enough, whether or not i’d ever get a boyfriend or if I would make it into a good university.
I carried fear with me into every accept of my life. From getting into a car, to going on a run to meeting a friend for lunch.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, fear is normal, its a natural part of human life, sometimes fear is even necessary. But for me, it was paralysing.
Fear meant I said no to everything I wanted to say yes to. Fear meant never traveling outside my little box of a comfort zone. It meant never experiencing anything. It meant I stayed far too long miserable and stuck in university, alone and suffering.
It’s taken a lot for me to learn that my fear doesn’t necessarily mean I shouldn’t do something, but it’s something that occasionally still creeps back in and threatens to take control of the wheel.
And when this happens, well I have two choices. I can crawl back into the backseat that fear has saved especially for me. I can sit back, and let fear control where I go and the limited amount of things I can do. Or, I can stand up and grab back the wheel, and face my problems head on.
For the best times have come from a place of fear and uncertainty, and I sure as hell wouldn’t be sat here typing this today if I hadn’t learned to deal with my fear.
Just some thursday thoughts for you all out there. Have a restful end to your week, and I promise to check back in more regularly!